Tess' nursery

I thought I'd give a tour of Tessie's nursery for this post.  We chose a The Jungle Book theme. We wanted to design the room not around the Disney movie but rather the collection of short stories written by Rudyard Kipling in 1894.  I was inspired by this image from a Restoration Hardware catalog: 

But of course, all this stuff from Restoration Hardware is insanely expensive and the nursery would have cost probably $10,000 to outfit.  Those pencil drawings are $800 each!  Yikes. 

I actually do have a seldom used artistic talent - I was really into my art growing up and even started college with the idea that I might major in studio art. Then I took a neuroscience class, and well... I guess I just really went the other way on that one...  So I thought I'd try to do my own drawings for Tess' room.  Here is what I came up with:

This is just a verse from one of the stories from The Jungle Book - "Maxims of Baloo"

Tiger

Alphabet with a drawing of an animal found in India that starts with each letter. 

Here are some closeups:

These I did with pencil by the way. All the other drawings are with charcoal.

Langur monkeys - and bookcase.

Indian elephants

 The frames I got at Michaels for $40 each.  They are all 32"x 24". The drawings themselves were of course free since I did them... well I guess the charcoals and pencils cost probably $10 and the paper was about $5.  I hung them on the wall with these security wall mounts that are used for hanging frames in museums and in hospital lobbies and stuff - they are earthquake proof and hold up to 70 lbs.  I was paranoid about them falling off the wall onto the crib or something so I went overboard on the safety precautions!

The dresser is actually from our old bedroom set (so it was free essentially, can't remember what we originally paid for it), and the elephant and mini globe are from Home Goods.  The elephant was $15 and the globe was $25.  

The ceiling fan I bought online from amazon, I think it was $125.  The blades are leaves, and the light itself looks like a lantern.  

The crib was an amazingly generous gift from my mom and sister Steph.  Its a Baby Europa Palisades collection, that we got at Baby Depot for $270!  Elsewhere its usually closer to $400.  Its the highest rated crib according to consumer reports.  I used consumer reports to decide on all my baby purchases.  Its the most amazing resource. Anyway, isn't it beautiful???  I can't wait until we actually start to use it! Tess is sleeping in a bassinet for now.  

Next to the crib is some old timey looking luggage I bought at Michaels - I think they were 3 for $10 or something ridiculous.  We thought they went with the whole "Englishman in colonial India" thing. The crib has bedding from Pottery Barn Kids that has grey elephants on it.  Last night though, our amazing friends Jim and Beth Richardson gave us a BEAUTIFUL animal print bedding set that is currently hanging to dry after washing it!  It was even MADE in India! Its perfect.  I will put up another photo when its dry and on the crib.

The lanterns were the only thing we actually purchased from Restoration Hardware, were on sale, and weren't even meant for the nursery at first. But we really liked how they looked so here they are.  I won't admit how much they were but they are nearly the most expensive thing in the room. Yeah... Restoration Hardware ain't cheap.  

The baskets are filled with stuffed animals like elephants, a snake, a bear, hippo... Twicky thinks they are for her though.

The floor lamp was from Ikea, probably around $15? I can't remember.  The changing table was from Target, $85 I think.  The boxes in the changing table hold our diaper stuff - also from Ikea.  These were maybe $8?

The curtains were also from Ikea.  A pair was around $60 I think. I don't know if you've ever bought curtains from Ikea but they are SUPER long, like 94" or something, and you are supposed to hem them yourself. Of course because its Ikea they make it easy - you don't actually have to know how to sew (which is good because I don't!)  They come with an iron-on hemming set.  

So here's a great story to finish up.  I had ordered these amazing wooden/leather light switch and outlet covers from Home Depot that went with the room so well.  The outlet covers came, there were 5 in the room, and they looked perfect!  I was psyched.  I was still waiting for the light switch covers to come, but went ahead and put the outlet covers on.  They looked fantastic.  

Then finally the light switch covers arrived but they were Buzz Lightyear plastic light switch covers.  What the hell?  I called homedepot.com and told them that they sent the wrong item, they were very apologetic, told me they'd send the right ones immediately but would have to charge me again and I would have to go to a Home Depot store to get my refund for the incorrect covers that they sent me.  Ug.  I was pretty irritated since I had to A) pay twice and B) make a trip to go to Home Depot to get my money back.  But whatever, I wanted my outlet covers. 

I went to Home Depot to get my money back, but they tried to reimburse me for the cost of the cheapy plastic Buzz Lightyear light switch covers since that's what I was bringing back to the store. But I needed to be reimbursed for the expensive wooden and leather ones I ordered and paid for but did not receive.  It took me about 30 minutes and spoke to 4 different people to explain the situation and get my refund, but it worked.  SO I returned home to await my beautiful light switch covers.  

A few days later a package arrived containing 2 Buzz Lightyear light switch covers!  Are you f'ing KIDDING me???  I couldn't believe it.  Someone was really trying to send me a message that I should have had a Toy Story theme to this nursery.  Again I called homedepot.com, explained to them how angry I was about this and tried to find out what was going on.  They said that these covers were from some other company that homedepot.com was selling on their behalf and there was a breakdown in communication somewhere. Oh, you think? So they said they would order me two new light switch covers, but again I would have to pay again and go to a Home Depot store to get my money back.  I REALLY wanted these light switch covers, not only because they would look good but because I already had 5 outlet covers installed in the room that matched them perfectly.  And they were $6 each!  

Back to Home Depot I went, repeated the entire process of explaining to a bunch of different people how I needed to be refunded the money for the expensive light switches I ordered, paid for but did not receive NOT the cheap Buzz Lightyear ones I was returning.  I was beginning to really hate Buzz Lightyear at this point. Not to mention homedepot.com.  I got my refund and again went home to await the arrival of my beautiful $6 light switch covers.  

Again, a few days later a package arrived.  I excitedly tore open the packaging to reveal 2 bright, shiny BUZZFUCKINGLIGHTYEAR light switch covers!!!  I could NOT believe my eyes.  Now they're just screwing with me, I thought.  This time I skipped the phone call and went straight to Home Depot to talk to a manager. I explained to him the whole story and the fact that I had $30 worth of outlet covers hanging in my nursery that I did not want if I could not get the matching light switch covers.  I also explained to him that I was 7 months pregnant and RAPIDLY losing patience.  The manager was very nice and very apologetic and called homedepot.com for me.  I kid you not, he was on the phone with them for 45 MINUTES!!! I actually had to go back out to the car to wait while he was on the phone because I was a fat pregnant lady and my feet were killing me.  The poor manager was fuming with homedepot.com but assured me he worked it all out, and I would be receiving my light switch covers in the mail in a few days.  I took my refund and high tailed it out of there, hoping to never return.  

A few days later a package arrived in the mail.  This time?  Can you guess?  That sonofabitch Buzz once again.  At this point my fuming outward rage was gone and I was left with a stone cold fury.  I couldn't even talk I was so angry.  I went straight to the toolbox, grabbed a screwdriver, pulled those outlet covers from the wall, drove back to Home Depot and told them I wanted to get not only my money back for the two light switch covers but also for the 5 outlet covers despite not having a receipt nor any packaging.  I think I scared them because they asked no questions and just gave me all my money back.  Even now retelling this story I am getting hot under the collar.  It was traumatic.  Some day Tess is going to want to see Toy Story and I will start twitching and mumbling “Lightyear that rotten bastard…” and refuse to let her see it.  Don’t get me started on if she wants a Toy Story themed bedroom someday…

So it was good of Home Depot to give me my money back, but after weeks of hardwork I still did not have any outlet or lightswitch covers. And I could not find anything I liked in stores or online.  But then Andy actually came up with a brilliant idea – to use the leftover fabric from hemming the curtains and make my own covers.  I loved the idea not only because my light switch covers would match my outlet covers would match my curtains, but because making them myself would be really sticking it to "the man" - the corporate bastards who couldn't get my light switch covers right.  

Here's what I made:

 I used the old plastic covers that were originally in the room, then cut out a piece of fabric just slightly larger than them.  I used fabric glue to affix the fabric to the plastic and folded the fabric over the edges and glued it to the backside of the plastic covers - and I actually had to use two layers of fabric since the fabric was thin and you could see through it.  I cut an X for where the light switch would come through, then folded back the triangles of fabric and again glued them to the back side of the cover.  I did the same for the holes for the outlets.  The fabric glue took a few days to dry completely - I also did this outside and used latex gloves since I was pregnant and didn't want to breathe those fumes or touch the stuff.    Finally I coated them in a flame retardant fabric spray just in case there were ever any sparks from the electrical outlet or whatever.  This I had Andy do since I thought that stuff would be super toxic.  Have I mentioned I'm paranoid?

So that's the nursery, and how I was able to re-create a damn expensive Restoration Hardware nursery from Michael's, Home Goods, Ikea, Amazon, and Baby Depot.  Its definitely not as fancy but I like it.  And I hope Tess does someday too. Even if she doesn't, though, at least I didn't spend 10grand on it!!! 

And because I can't do a post without ANY pictures of my little monchichi... Here are a few shots:

Time

Time

Today Tess is exactly 6 weeks old!  This is probably an odd milestone to be celebrating but it seems to be pretty significant for a few reasons.  There are some things that I can start doing again 6 weeks after my C-section (like exercise) and some of my books suggest things start to “get easier” with Tess at 6 weeks.  Hmm… Maybe that starts tomorrow? 

Sticking her tongue out at the idea anything should be "easy" at this point

Not sure… but one thing that is significant for me at 6 weeks is that today officially marks the halfway point of my maternity leave. I can’t believe this is possible since I feel like we just got home from the hospital and I still feel clueless about everything.  I can’t imagine leaving her to go back to work at all, so I can barely face thinking about it.  I love being with her so much, and she just feels so needy… I can’t imagine letting someone else take care of her!  I even get antsy when Andy’s been holding her for a while instead of me.  On top of that, I feel like she and I are still getting to know each other… I just haven’t had enough time with her yet and don’t think another 6 weeks will be enough either.

This idea of “time” is kind of dominating my thoughts and life right now, and all the different reasons why are connected.  For example, not having any time… I am grateful for the few minutes I currently have to devote to updating this blog!  And know that its short-lived so I better type fast!

The idea of time is also on my mind right now because the importance of Tess’ schedule has been made astonishingly clear to me this past week.  (Keeping a schedule is also what buys me some time to do things like update this blog).  

My friend Eva from Smith came out to visit us for a few days, and because I was excited to spend time and catch up with my old friend – who I haven’t seen in years – I did a bad job of keeping up with Tess’ sleep schedule.  After a couple of days of her not getting much daytime sleep Tess was pretty unhappy.  On Eva’s last day, Tess basically cried from 2:30pm until 1am.  It was awful! She was so overtired, I couldn’t get her to sleep. She would doze off for 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there, but I could not get her to lie down to sleep for a good nap or even go down for the night for the life of me.  I felt so awful!  Like I deprived her of what she needed for my own desire to hang out with my friend.  It was a tough day/night, but she slept a ton after that and we are getting back to her old routine with some good daytime napping.  It was a hard but important lesson that I need to maintain her schedule no matter what – minor changes here or there is one thing… but 3 or 4 days of everything being upside down is not an option. 

Two Smithies... and 1 future Smithie?

Which brings me back to what I was writing about earlier – how I still feel so clueless and new at this, I can’t believe my time at home to figure this out and learn about Tess and what she needs - is half over!

Tess figuring things out... like how to find her fist.

 A lot of people remark on how lucky I am that I have 12 weeks off (8 weeks unpaid FMLA time and 4 weeks of paid vacation/sick time – HA!  What a laugh… “vacation”) The sad fact is, I AM lucky because A: I can afford to not get paid for 8 weeks and B: some people don’t even get that much time (companies with fewer than 50 employees are not mandated to offer FMLA).  But that makes me sick, that we should feel grateful for 12 weeks of unpaid leave or the opportunity to use our vacation time to stay home. And I HAVE to use my vacation time by the way, I couldn’t, for example, take 12 weeks of unpaid leave and save my vacation/sick leave for later in the year.  Because, you know, mothers of babies in daycare NEVER get sick and won’t need sick leave.  

The US is 1 of 3 countries in the world to not mandate paid maternity leave – we are in the good company of Swaziland and Papua New Guinea for that statistic.  Danish mothers apparently even get 4 weeks of paid leave BEFORE giving birth.  Many European countries even offer paternity leave.  In Sweden, fathers can get up to 480 days of paternity leave.  480!!!  Because Andy and I both work at Emory, if he wanted to take any paternity leave that time would have come out of my maternity leave. In other words, if he wanted to stay home for a week, I would have only had 11 weeks rather than 12 to stay home.  Despite the fact that studies show that paid maternity leave improves breastfeeding, general health of mom and baby, lowers healthcare costs and is associated with increased economic security and independence… the truth is, I’m not even expecting paid leave – I just would like the opportunity to stay with Tess longer than 12 weeks if that’s what we need.  If I don’t go back to work the day my FMLA ends, I can get fired.  When you look and see that so many other developed nations gives somewhere around 6 months of maternity leave – often paid leave - you really realize how shitty our policy is here.  No wonder so few mothers are breastfeeding their babies for the suggested 1 year in the US.  I’m having a hard time keeping up with breastfeeding now! I just think its odd that our politicians like to harp on “family values” but don’t think its worth writing legislation to ensure maternity leave rights.  Maybe they just think I shouldn’t want to continue to work at all after having children and quit my job – oh, and be married to someone who is rich enough so I can afford to do that. 

Anyway, I will get off my soap box now.  I guess I could have moved to one of these fabulous places that offers all this maternity time, although my mom would have killed me and kidnapped Tess if I so much as suggested that. I only am depressed that this precious time I have with Tess is so short.  How can I leave this precious face???

Adventures in cloth diapering

I’m sure half the people who actually take the time to read our little blog here currently have their jaws on the floor just by the title of this post.  I know what you’re thinking: “CLOTH diapers? Are you f*&king insane?!”  I know so many of you are thinking it, because a large majority of the people I’ve made this admission to say it to my face.  Oh, there has been some SERIOUS judgment about this decision to use cloth diapers, even from my family and closest friends – you know who you are! Honestly you’d think we were suggesting we were going to be raising our baby on a hippie commune the way people would react! Its fine, I forgive you.  You probably just had my best interests in mind.  :-)

While I was pregnant and it would come up in conversation that we intended to use cloth diapers, the general reaction I would get was shock and horror – but also a lot of condescension.  The knowing, seasoned mothers quietly rolling their eyes and smirking at the inexperienced, naive soon-to-be first time mother’s ridiculous assumption that she would have the time or patience for such a silly endeavor.  I mean, as much as I hated it, I get it.  I GET why people have that reaction.  But cloth diapers aren’t what you think they are!  Trust me.

When disposable diapers are SO easy and so accessible, WHY would anyone in their right mind voluntarily regress to a practice that was the only option 50 years ago?  Well, here are a few of our reasons:

1) Cloth diapering of today is NOT cloth diapering of 50 years ago!  I’m not using a terry cloth dishtowel and a safety pin.  What I’m using are these “all-in-one” cloth diapers that have convenient snaps, elastic around the legs, and are lined with super absorbent materials.  They also have snaps so you can fold down the front until the umbilical falls off. They also are available in a wide variety of super cute colors and patterns!  Bonus!  Since I’m breastfeeding, and the stools are organic, I can just toss them into the washing machine dirty. When I start solid foods, and will need to dump the poo into the toilet first I have a diaper sprayer hooked up to the toilet to make it easier. (By the way, you are TECHNICALLY supposed to discard poo into the toilet even with disposable diapers…)  There are a few things to keep in mind - you are not supposed to use bleach, fabric softener or the sanitary cycle and you are supposed to use little detergent. And because I have a front-loading washer (that uses very little water) I have to do a quick pre-wash without a spin cycle to saturate them before running the actual wash.  This is because they are so absorbent, that the small amount of water that a front loading machine will inject into the drum will just get absorbed and the diapers won’t be sloshed around in a volume of water while they wash, but just bounce around the inside a mostly dry machine.  This doesn’t wash them very well, obviously. But as long as you keep those things in mind, you get lovely, clean, absorbent diapers that don’t leak or cause diaper rash!

So tiny! And so cute!

2)  It is WAY cheaper.  They say that you can spend around $2,500 on disposable diapers from birth to potty training – of course this varies greatly depending on when the kid is potty trained, but that’s the general average number.  If you have 2 kids, that’s $5,000.  3 kids, $7,500.  You get the idea.  So far, I have purchased 18 newborn sized diapers that I will use for the first ~3 months approximately (even with a baby who was 9 pounds at birth). I have also bought 12 diapers that will be used from that time up to potty training. I will need more of those eventually, probably about double that depending on how often I want to do laundry, but that’s the stockpile I have now.  I have spent less than $400 so far and will probably spend about $600 on diapers when its all said and done. AND I'm doing it the expensive way with the all-in-ones.  There are other types of cloth diapers that are cheaper or you could buy them used.  But $600!  Versus $2,500!  AND because we know we want Tess to have at least one sibling, we can re-use these when the sibling arrives… whenever that may be.  Sure, I run 1 extra load of laundry each day or every other day, which adds some cost to my water and electrical bills.  But since my water bill is only about $4 every 2 months, even if it DOUBLED it wouldn’t make a dent to my yearly budget.  

These are the next size up that I will use - these ones have an absorbent insert that I've placed on top of the diaper so you can see it.

3)  They say that there is less diaper rash with cloth diapers – but to be fair, this one is up for debate. Supposedly the synthetic materials in disposable diapers can irritate the skin.  Others say that disposables are more absorbent so cause LESS diaper rash… but just judging from my own experience so far, my cloth diapers are incredibly absorbent so I can’t imagine absorbency being an issue – at least while she’s this small.  And even if it is, there are toxic chemicals, dyes and carcinogens in the materials used for disposable diapers that can lead to adverse health effects or trigger allergic reactions.

4) The environmental impact.  Again this point is controversial – some people insist that the extra water and electrical usage from washing cloth diapers is “worse” than throwing out diapers into a landfill.  I’m not an environmental scientist, but it just seems that throwing away 12 diapers every day for 2 or 3 years for just one child is far more than I want to contribute to our nations landfills.  The EPA says that 20 billion disposable diapers are dumped in landfills which equates to 2.5 million TONS of waste! Yikes.  AND they do not degrade without exposure to oxygen and sunlight and take about 500 years to decompose in a landfill. Furthermore, 200,000 trees and 2.4 billion gallons of fuel are used each year to make disposable diapers.  Granted, cotton and other materials are used to make cloth diapers… In any event, the debate continues but for me personally I think the impact on landfills out weighs the water usage from doing extra laundry. 

Anyway, so those were Andy and my reasons for wanting to use cloth diapers. 

How is it going now that Tess has been in them for a month?!  Honestly?  Its great. I know that with time things will get more complicated – when she goes to day care (the day care we will use DOES accept cloth diapers though – already looked into it), when I’m no longer breastfeeding and she’s on solid foods, when we go on vacation, etc.

After bath time!

For now, really the only “extra hassle” is needing to do an extra load of laundry every day or every other day.  And frankly, I am doing so much laundry anyway I don’t even notice it.  Tess spits up a LOT, and so I change her clothes numerous times throughout the day and use about 10 bibs each day, we go through a hundred receiving blankets that we use as “burp cloths” (aka PUKE cloths! Let’s call them what they are!), and have to change her bedding nearly every day as well.  (Her excessive spitting up is another blog post I have planned… stay tuned!)  And then because Andy and I are getting spit up on constantly, we go through multiple shirts every day.  What’s an extra load of diapers every other day when I’m already doing 2-3 loads every day anyway?

Sidenote:  Honestly, if anyone ever asks me whats the ONE thing you can not go without as a parent of an infant my answer will not be a bassinet or crib or changing table or baby bjorn or breast pump or stroller or any of the other things we spent so much time researching and purchasing during my pregnancy.  I would say a good washer and dryer!!!  I can’t even imagine how people have children who don’t have their own laundry machines – doing this while living in a high rise apartment building in New York and needing to go to the basement to do laundry? Or to have to drive to a Laundromat?  Good God I can’t imagine it!  Fortunately we already had a kickass washer and dryer so I’m all set.  But any new parent who doesn’t should be given some kind of tax break to be able to afford one if they can’t.  My mom just emailed me an article about how health insurance needs to provide a stipend for purchasing breast pumps (Breast pump stipend article)  Well, I think something similar should be done for laundry.  Just saying – as much as I love my breast pump, I love my washing machine more!

Of course, there have been a couple of hiccups.  When we first got home from the hospital, for the first load of “used” or soiled diapers I would have to wash, I realized we only had 3 clean ones left.  I thought, oh 3 diapers should last me the 2 hours or so it will take to wash and dry a load of diapers.  In theory yes, but of course I was tempting fate by thinking that way.  I loaded our dirty diapers into the machine and went to change her into the first of 3 spare clean diapers. Five minutes after changing her, I heard (and felt) her have a MASSIVE bowel movement.  Uh oh… so I had to change her again…. and only had 2 left.  And of course, AS I was changing her into her next fresh diaper she decided to have a pee all over it!  I swear she even laughed a little bit. She totally did it on purpose.  So now she was in her last clean diaper, but the laundry was already going. Hopefully we can make it 2 hours in this diaper, that isn’t too much to ask, I thought.  But then, almost as if the stars were aligned against me – the power went out!!!  I kid you not! It wasn’t storming or even sprinkling – it was a beautiful day out and all of a sudden the lights went out and we could hear the transformers blowing. I was just like “Are you f’ing KIDDING me?!”  Apparently a tree went down on the next street over and took out the power lines with it.  The power was out for quite a few hours, so of course she needed to be changed before I could finish off that load I had started.  But this was exactly why we had a stockpile of disposable diapers to use for emergencies like this one.  It was actually pretty funny how it all went down.

 Other than that, its been pretty smooth sailing.  I do want to finish up by saying I’m not trying to be preachy about cloth diapers at ALL here, I don’t think anyone who uses disposables is poisoning the Earth or something. This is just something that works for us, the minimal extra effort it requires – at this point – is not excessively taxing and I’m happy about our decision.  If there is anyone else who is considering the possibility but is intimidated by the idea of it, please don’t be!  It isn’t as bad as you might think!  And look at how damn cute she is (although that might not be because of the diapers...)!!!  

Aunt Wendy visits

Last weekend Tess met her Aunt Wendy for the first time!  This was major not just because my sister was meeting her only neice, but also because it was the first time my sister has visited Atlanta!  I have lived here for 8-1/2 years now and have been unsuccessful in my attempts to get my sister’s butt down here.  I had to finally resort to reproducing in order to lure her down here!

Meeting auntie for the first time.

We went out to some great restaurants, got pedicures, went out to meet a bunch of our friends at our favorite pub, watched our favorite trash TV shows – it was fantastic.  

Pedicures

Wendy even babysat for us one night while Andy and I went out for our first night solo without Tess! We saw Les Mis (which was AMAZING – I cried like 15 times. Go see it) and while all we did was talk about how awesome our daughter was the whole time, we had a great time being on our own for a couple hours.  It was really wonderful that she did that for us since it is going to be very difficult for us to trust anyone with Tess for quite some time. Since we don’t have family nearby, we will be hard pressed to find any time for getting out on our own.

It was also incredibly helpful to have Wendy around for the hours Andy was at work.  Taking care of an infant is most definitely a two-person job.  Maybe even a three-person job.  For example, one night during Wendy’s visit we were planning on meeting a bunch of friends out at the Marlay House – our favorite pub.  Andy was going to go straight from work so it was up to me and Wen to get Tess ready for her big night out.  We got her dressed in a cute little pink outfit and I fed her – definitely DEFINITELY the wrong order.  As we got her loaded into her car seat and all strapped in, she spit up – a LOT – all over herself.  So much so that I was going to need to change her shirt.  So I go to change her, but of course had to change the whole outfit because without the shirt the whole ensemble just wouldn’t work.

Wendy tells me I should put a bib on her so if she spits up again I don’t have to change her clothes. Great idea!  Except because I’m clueless all the bibs I’ve received from baby showers I figured I wouldn’t need until she was eating solid foods so I had them packed away, God only knew where. Wendy goes off to find the bibs and by some miracle actually found them!  Tess gets changed into what Wendy determines is an even CUTER outfit for her night out on the town, and I load her into the car seat again. Except in my haste, I forgot the friggin’ bib!  Tess of course spits up all over herself again – so much so that she once again needs to be changed.  I was SO mad at myself. How could I have forgotten the bib after Wendy dug through the whole nursery to find one?!  I threw a little hissy fit, shouting about how I suck at this parenting thing.  Wendy fortunately talked me off the ledge, and made a joke about how Tess is just high maintenance like her auntie and didn’t like either outfit I put on her so was doing this so I would change it.  I changed Tess for the third time - this time remembering the bib – and got her into the car seat. 

We headed down to the pub – an hour late but we made it –of course she was done throwing up so didn’t need the bib that I was so proud I remembered.  After being at the Marlay for a few minutes she started to fuss so I picked her up and her whole bum was soaked! Her diaper leaked.  Are you freaking KIDDING ME?!  I couldn’t believe it.  Wendy and I take her to the ladies room where Tess is about to experience her second public toilet changing table (see Parents-in-training. Do not judge).  I did happen to have a change of clothes in her diaper bag, but it was a short sleeved onesie.  Its January and I have a short sleeve onesie packed in there?!  What the hell was I thinking???  “Oh well, its better than being wet,” I thought and proceed to change her diaper and clothes.  In the process of getting the necessary items out of the diaper bag Wendy drops the clean diaper on the floor of the bathroom.  I was about to panic yet again,  but thank God I had more than one spare diaper packed. Phew, ok I did ONE thing right.  We put her fresh diaper on, put the summer-appropriate outfit I had packed on her, and wrapped her in a blanket.  At least we had that. 

Tess wrapped in her blanket so she wasn't half naked in the pub.

It was seriously a comedy of errors!  If Wendy hadn’t been there, I certainly wouldn’t have made it out that night – and even if I had, would have left after discovering she was soaked from her diaper.  Having been through baby-hood 3 times herself, Wendy assured me over and over that this is what it’s all about and not to beat myself up over it.  I am a perfectionist unfortunately and perfection should not even be in my vocabulary right now.  The whole experience while incredibly annoying really taught me I need to just chill the f out.  And in the end despite having gone through 4 outfits and 3 diapers in 90 minutes, we had a great night out without any tears!

This experience was good preparation for after Wendy left.  My first day on my own I had set 2 goals for myself: to go for a walk with Tess and to go grocery shopping.  I now realize I should have a single goal each day: just to keep Tess alive!  Keep her fed, make sure she doesn’t sit in a soiled diaper all day, make sure she keeps breathing, etc.  Anything beyond that is just gravy.  But I had high hopes, so I got Tess bundled up and strapped her into her car seat and out we headed for a nice mid-morning stroll.  I have no idea why, but I could NOT open her stroller!  I literally fought the damn thing for 15 minutes!  During which time, of course, Tess started crying like crazy.  As she screamed in her carseat, I was pushing and pulling and it was just sealed shut – I convinced myself it was broken. I was so damn mad I threw it back into the car and decided to just put the carseat in the car and go to Whole Foods instead. She had worked herself into such a tizzy during the stroller struggle, it was going to take a while for her to stop crying.  

Since I know she likes riding around in the car, I decided to just drive around for a bit to get her to calm down.  Finally she did so I pull into Whole Foods. The second I park? The tears start again.  I did not want to walk around with pretentious Whole Foods shoppers giving me death stares because of my crying infant, so I gave up and left.  The second I start to drive?  She stopped crying.  I thought, if I drive around for a little longer maybe she’ll calm down for real.  I found myself up near Sam’s club and there were a few items I needed there so decided to pop in.  Again, the second I parked? WAHHHHHHHH!!!  Seriously, Tess???  Ug.  At that point I gave up on any hopes of shopping and drove home.  Of course, when I parked in my driveway she kept quiet.  

At that point I decided to have another go at the stroller to see if I could at least accomplish one of my two goals for the day.  The first try at the stroller? It popped right open!  I’m convinced that my tossing it back into the car fixed whatever was broken. That’s what I’ll tell myself at least.  So I put Tess into the stroller and we went for a lovely walk through our neighborhood.  Goal accomplished!  I was so happy!  And so proud of myself for not losing it at every failed attempt at accomplishing one of my two (seemingly minor) goals.  I kept repeating my sister’s words to myself the whole time and tried to remind myself this is the new normal and that it was no biggie.  At least I didn’t have to change her clothes 14 times.

WAHHHH!

All in all, it was a great visit with Wendy and she taught me a lot about parenting. Little tricks for calming Tess down when she works herself up, AND tricks for keeping myself calm when I work myself up!   Its funny, I never thought I’d say that but I really did learn a lot from her.  I say this because Wendy and I have certainly had our ups and downs over the years.  For those that know both of us, we couldn’t be more different.  We are complete opposites in everyway and that has lead to a lot of disagreements over the years. In fact, when our brother died in 2009 we hadn’t spoken for nearly a year.  Since then, we have grown closer and are learning to overlook our differences.  Family is family, and we have been through a lot together.  I was in the delivery room when she gave birth to her youngest son Alex.  We were both by our brother’s side as he took his last breath.  Despite our tendency to fight, we have experienced some of life’s most major events together.  Nothing can change the fact that we are sisters.  Trust me, I’ve tried! (Just kidding! Sort of…)  And as loath as I am to admit it, this trip really reminded me how lucky I am to have her. :-)

Siblings 1997

Siblings 2005

Me + Wendy 2006

Siblings 2007