Dr. GoldiBlox?

There is a relatively new toy out for girls called GoldiBlox. Nearly everyone I know on Facebook has shared the ad, and I’m sure many of you have seen it (If not, you can see it here: Goldiblox).

The toys definitely look fun, and played against the backdrop of a Beastie Boys song, seem like the coolest new toy to get down with.  They are a bit advanced for Tess right now, but for a second during the ad I thought “Oh, I’m definitely getting these for her in a couple of years.”

They end the ad with the tagline: “Toys for future engineers.”

“In that case,” I thought… “she won’t be getting them.”

Since Mom and Dad are both scientists, this reaction probably surprises you.

But the honest to God truth is… the last thing I want for Tess is a career in science – engineering, biology, chemistry, whatever.  Not happening.

Why?

Because the world of science is incredibly sexist and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

I had the most incredible college experience at Smith. I lived in this perfect bubble where sexism didn’t exist.  “Why do we need the feminist movement?” I sometimes pondered, “It’s over and we won!” 

Then I came to Emory.  Even in a graduate program where women outnumbered men 3:1 or so – in the class above me, there was not a single male - sexism was rampant. Despite the female majority in the student body, the professoriate was overwhelmingly male.  Initially, I even chose one of the very few female PIs as my mentor, and it was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. Her expectations were unattainable and I honestly think she secretly enjoyed making her students cry.

I often wondered why she was that way.  Many of my colleagues who had female mentors in graduate school had very similar experiences.  I think that to compete in the world of academic science, a woman has to become a tyrant. 

The rest of us don’t bother fighting the battle and we leave. We just want to live a life that makes us happy and not necessarily be an activist everyday. That’s why men outnumber women in tenure track positions 3:1, 4:1 or worse depending on the field.

Of course, I realize I’m generalizing – there are, I’m sure (I hope…) plenty of female scientists who are perfectly sane. It is just a rare, exceptionally strong female who can climb to the top of their scientific field.  I think that process damages a lot of women.  Either that or you have to be kind of crazy to begin with.

I have recently decided to leave laboratory science forever. I still love science, but I will not be pursuing a career at the bench.  I made this choice because frankly, I just don’t enjoy it. Experiments make me miserable and there are about 10,000 other things I would rather do with my time than do another single patch experiment.

However, even if I loved science, it would have been nearly impossible to succeed as an academic because I am a woman. 

During my time as both a student and postdoc, I have encountered enormous sexism.  My male counterparts were supported in ways I never was.  I never so much as had anyone else make a solution, culture cells or even take care of my mouse breeding for me. Whereas, some of my male colleagues had a whole team of undergrads or technicians doing their “grunt work.”  In fact, a huge chunk of my time as a grad student was spent supporting OTHERS’ projects. I have been overlooked at meetings, left out of networking/socializing opportunities that male colleagues were welcomed into with open-arms. I had been told that I would never get offered a job until I was done having children because no one would want to support my maternity leave. When I first had Tess, I even had a male colleague tell me I couldn’t trust my instincts because of my hormones. 

I could give you a laundry list of stories like this from just my personal experiences. I could fill a book, but I won't dwell on it here. Do I think it was all malicious? No! In fact, I think a lot of the males I had these encounters with would consider themselves to be supportive of women. Maybe even feminists.  But even science has proven that academic scientists are biased against women. Despite their best intentions, male and female science faculty have pre-existing views that males are more competent and hireable than females with the same exact qualifications.

Maybe you could say it was my fault, I should have spoken up for myself more.  Demanded support. Inserted myself into networking opportunities uninvited.  Told people it was inappropriate to talk about my womb or the hormones in it as it related to work.

Perhaps. However, when I first got to Emory, I did a lot of speaking up for myself. You can take the girl out of Smith but not the Smith out of the girl, I suppose.

I found it did me no favors. Pretty quickly I earned myself the reputation of “trouble maker” in the neuroscience graduate program and it only made my life more difficult.  In my last lab, I simply started doing as I was told with a smile on my face and it made the process of graduating much smoother.  

I’ve seen plenty of men fight for their causes, however, and get nothing but rewarded for it. You have no publications? Your thesis is 100 pages long? Well, you’ve fought your case heartily enough, soo…. here’s your PhD. Congratulations, Doctor! I just played by a different set of rules, apparently.

In so many ways, I am not the person I was when I moved to Atlanta. And not only because I am no longer 22.  Science and Emory have kicked the crap out of me. I was confident, ambitious and strong when I arrived here with a shiny new Smith College diploma in my hands. My experiences over the past almost-decade have frankly sucked that out of me.

I do not want that for Tess.

OK I'll probably still favor the idea of blocks over Barbies for Tess. These types of toys help train the brain to work in ways that are important for the development of all kinds of skills. (My favorite toy growing up was Barbie, btw). "Toys for future engineers" is just a marketing ploy, but it did give me something to think about.

Obviously, I believe there should be women out there fighting the fight, demanding equality, and changing the game! Damn right! But you know what? That shit is hard. I don’t want to be the one on the front lines of that war. And unless Tess is far tougher and more pig-headed than me, I don’t think I want that for her either.

Do I think women should simply give up and relinquish themselves to the kitchen?

No, of course not.

Do I think that science is the only game there is where women experience sexism?

Obviously not.

But do I sometimes feel like I devoted the last decade of my life to pursuing a career in which I was doomed for failure?   

You bet your ass I do! I question my existence every day! What degree did I fight so hard for? What am I doing with it?  What is next for me? I might not want to be an academic but I absolutely want a professional career for myself.

I just wish I didn’t start a race with my leg tied to the fence post behind me without even realizing it.

These are our favorite toys of Tess':

Have you ever seen these blocks?

They are incredible!

They are perfectly straight and balanced 

and you can build anything with them.

Tess mostly likes to destroy things Andy or I build at this point.

Going...

Going...

Gone.

Or wait, no....

Still more to destroy!

DESTRUCTO STRIKES AGAIN!

Good for eating, too.