N.I.P/Tuck (and cover?)

I’m currently coasting towards the end of my breastfeeding relationship with my 14-month old, Tess. I only nurse her 4 times a day at this point, 3 of those sessions taking place before a nap or bedtime.

It’s really easy to nurse like this. Most of her calories come from food, breastmilk is just extra. I don’t have to stress about my supply or watch the clock to make sure she’s been fed every 2 hours, I don’t have to time how long she’s been nursing or wake her to feed her if she’s been asleep too long.

I also don’t ever need to nurse in public (affectionately known as NIP) anymore. I was never the most brazen nurser-in-public, but I’ve done it when I’ve needed to. I’ve nursed her in restaurants, on park benches, on friend’s couches at parties, and on airplanes.

Not once have I ever so much as had someone look at me in a funny way about feeding my baby in front of them.

This week some controversy has erupted in the “right to breastfeed” fight because of a seemingly innocent tweet to Delta Airlines.

A mother tweeted asking Delta’s policy on breastfeeding on a flight. Apparently her 10-week old baby neither took a bottle nor nursed under a covering, so she wanted to be sure she would be “allowed” to nurse him on her upcoming flight.

@deltaassist tweeted back informing her that she would not be permitted to breastfeed without a cover-up.

After a slight uproar, Delta clarified that the tweet was sent in error and their policy does in fact support breastfeeding in-flight.

There are passionate views from both sides of the aisle on this issue. Some people think breastfeeding should be a private moment between a mother and baby, others recognize that babies need to be fed and sometimes a mother and baby like to leave the house.

When I first heard of these tweets, my kneejerk reaction was that it was a hoax of some sort. I live in Atlanta and as a result, have flown Delta more times than I care to admit.

Since becoming a mother, I have flown on Delta 14 separate times (7 trips, there and back) with Tess. On EACH.AND.EVERY.ONE of those flights I have nursed my baby.

Why?

Well, first and foremost, because babies who are exclusively breastfed need to eat every 2 hours usually. Also, because babies love to nurse and they usually don’t cry while they are nursing. It keeps them happy and quiet. It’s the same reason some mothers gives toddlers cookies or an iPad during a flight. Suckling also helps with the pressure changes and ear pain. It’s basically magic.

Delta has always been nothing but supportive of my decision to breastfeed on their airplanes. In fact, they have actively encouraged it.

I was once waiting at the gate to board a Delta flight and was wearing Tess in a baby carrier. A Delta executive who was walking through Hartsfield-Jackson Airport came up to us to say hello. While making small talk, he (yes HE) made a point to tell me that I should definitely either nurse her or give her a pacifier upon take off and landing to help with the pressure changes and her ears. He offered this completely unprovoked, I didn’t even have to ask.

The flight crew are always super helpful and supportive and dote on Tess. They offer so much assistance and support to families on their airplanes. I consider Delta Airlines, about whom I had previously always had constant complaints, to be one of the most child, family, and breastfeeding-friendly businesses or organizations I have come into contact with.

Nursing on a Delta flight!

Oh! The horror!

All that skin!

How indecent!

One time, on a long flight to California, I happened to fall asleep myself while nursing Tess. I woke up to find that Andy and Tess had also dozed off. Tess unlatched when she fell asleep, had exchanged my nipple for her thumb, so I was actually sitting there, head back, mouth wide open, sound asleep with my entire bare boob just hanging out!  I was literally just sitting there flashing the entire plane. Even then no one said anything to me! I was actually super embarrassed about that one. I was surprised I didn't wake up with Mardi Gras beads. It was awkward, but hey, it happened. And everyone was cool about it.

I had a hard time believing this whole “tweet” controversy because of those experiences. Apparently it did happen, though. Delta has corrected their tweet error and clarified that they support a mother’s right to nurse on airplanes.

(Frankly, anyone who hates the sound of a baby crying should support a mother’s right to breastfeed on an airplane).

The truth is, I do actually understand (not support, but understand) those who are shocked by the idea of Nursing-in-Public (NIP).

How? Because I was once one of those people. I didn’t think women should just be whipping out their ta-tas in front of everyone. “They’re still boobs,” I’d think.

It wasn’t until I myself had a baby and experienced breastfeeding that I changed my view on the matter. 

It is so critical to nurse frequently during those first few months of breastfeeding. Not only does your baby need to eat, but you need to express milk often to make sure you keep making more milk.

Sure, they’re still boobs, but frankly you see a lot more boob on the beach than you do when a mother is nursing. Even a mother who is not making an effort to “be discreet.” The babies mouth is covering the nipple, the head blocks most of the boob, and the nurser is usually still wearing a shirt or dress or some kind of clothing. I have yet to see a woman strip before feeding her baby on an airplane, or anywhere else for that matter.

I realized that the uncomfortable-ness someone feels when they see someone nursing is just their own shit. Again, you literally see more skin in the window of a Victoria’s Secret. Breastfeeding just has an “ick” factor for some people.

           

We are told from a very young age that breasts exist solely for sexual satisfaction. Breasts are sexy, not functional, in our minds. We use cleavage to entice a potential sexual partner not to sustain life, right? The idea that breasts exist for more than for giving a guy a boner can be difficult to come to terms with.

But again… that’s your own shit and you need to just deal with it. You can’t expect every new mom to not feed her kid because you have your own shit.

Again, I didn’t get it until I was in the trenches of nursing. I never thought I’d NIP, then I realized that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t ever leave the house for 8 months. We don’t live in a time where we can just expect new moms to be locked up behind closed doors for the entirety of their lactation period.

The solution is simple, though. We need to NIP more. We need to NORMALIZE breastfeeding. Because I never saw new moms nursing in restaurants or airports, when I rarely did encounter it, it made me uncomfortable. It just wouldn’t even be a thing if we saw people do it more.

One of the first times I NIP’d was when Tess was about 4 months old. I walked in a breastcancer 5K with her. There were tens of thousands of people in Atlantic Station in Atlanta waiting for the race, and I knew I’d need to feed Tess before we started our walk. I miraculously found one of the few places to sit in this enormous mass of people, a bench where 2 other women were sitting. There was certainly room for me on the bench, but I was a little nervous about how awkward it might be to sit next to them and nurse. But, she needed it and I couldn’t nurse standing up, so to the bench it was.

After saying hello and asking if I could sit on the bench, I tried to turn away and “be discreet.” A few moments later the women stood up to walk away. I was afraid they saw what I was doing and felt weird about it, so were leaving in disgust.

To my great surprise, one woman looked at me as she was about to walk off and said, “Oh I didn’t realize what you were doing there!”

I replied apologetically, saying that I couldn’t find another place and was about to rattle off a bunch of excuses. Before I had a chance, she interrupted and said “No, no no! That’s great! Good for you!”

In a very heavy Caribbean accent, she told me that back home women nurse in public all the time. She said moms just whip ‘em out wherever, but in this country everyone was so prudish and crazy about it, she just doesn’t understand.

These two women commended me for what I was doing, told me to keep up the good work and went on their merry way.

After that I didn’t hesitate about “whipping ‘em out” whenever Tess needed a snack or a meal.

These women had no issues with seeing a woman NIP, because they grew up in a society where that was the norm.  When we encourage women to hide, cover up, be discreet, or worse, nurse in a bathroom, we are perpetuating the mentality that breastfeeding is not the norm.

Mothering is hard work. Breastfeeding is hard work. Why do we want to make it harder by shaming or hiding lactating women?

When we do this, we are disenfranchising women during a time in their life where they already feel vulnerable, isolated and anxious.

I had a lot of hesitation about NIP in the early days, and didn’t expect to do it much. When I eventually started, I was prepared to be accosted about my “indecency.” I’d always be equipped with a soliloquy about my right to nurse, I knew the law and was ready to quote it to anyone who challenged me.

I never once had the opportunity to do that. 

That gives me great hope. It gives me hope that there are public outcries when a business tells a woman she can’t nurse there. It gives me hope that those businesses usually correct the misunderstanding when that happens.

You want to shield your teenage son or 8-year-old boy from another woman feeding her baby? If so, you are only ensuring that he will then grow up to shame other women for feeding their babies. The best thing you can do for your son is to just not even make it a thing.

  

If you are someone who gets uncomfortable about the site of a woman breastfeeding, that’s fine – you are allowed to feel awkward all you want. But that new mom shouldn’t be the one to be made to feel unwelcome because you have your own shit to deal with. Just excuse yourself. If you’re on an airplane, ask to switch seats. Don’t put baby in the corner. You go!

Let’s just normalize it, people.