Gramma visits!!!

Hey everyone, Tess here.  I asked my mom to help me type this because I wanted to be the one to tell you about how my Gramma came to visit me last week!  Oh my gosh, I am just the luckiest little baby in the world. My Gramma came here on a train, I don’t really know what that means quite yet because I’ve never seen one of these things… but I do know that it took her an entire DAY to get here!  That’s like, 2% of my life so that seems like a reeeeeeeeeaaaaaalllly long time to me!  Although… being on a train for that long probably seemed like 2% of her life to her too.

I was so happy to see Gramma when she finally got here!

I think she was happy to see me too...

But once she finally got here, we just had the best time!  Mom likes to stay busy a lot, she’s always making me take boring naps in my boring crib and runs around doing laundry and writing messages to you guys while I sleep.  But Gramma came here and all she wanted to do was snuggle me! It was the best week ever.  Every nap I took was in her arms!!!  She was so warm and snuggly, I was just so happy.  I am gonna have a talk with mom about letting me take more naps in her arms instead of my crib. 

Snuggle times!

We also did a lot of new fun stuff!  She read me all my books and I couldn’t really follow along with the words, but I LOVED looking at the pictures.  Dr. Seuss was my favorite, especially the ABC book. I’m gonna have to study those letters more with mom now so I can read these books to myself someday soon.  I think yellow is my favorite color.  I really love looking at the color yellow in these books.  Mom didn’t really realize that I was going to enjoy books so soon, so she hadn’t started reading them to me. But Gramma knew better and we showed mom how much I love being read to.  Which is awesome because now mom is reading to me everyday.  It's the best.

Me and Gramma reading Dr. Seuss.

Gramma is a good reader.

Dad's been reading to me too!  

Gramma also kept warning Mom that my first word will be the F word.  I don’t really know what that means quite yet, but I’m sure I will soon enough!  Whatever it is, Mom really likes it and says it a lot! Sounds like a great word!  Very versatile.

Laughing at Mom.

One thing that I didn’t like so much was Mom made me dress up in this girlie outfit Gramma bought me.  I don’t like getting dressed up at ALL – you can see here how little I like it:

Me the first time they tried to put me in this dress.  

And the shoes! Ah! I hated it.

Me in another fancy dress at Christmas.  Was. Not. Happy.

But since I love my Gramma and Mom told me I only had to wear it for a few minutes, I humored them and wore it for a bit. It made Gramma happy so it was worth it.

You can see in my eyes that I'm not really diggin' it but I gave in anyway.

Very skeptical.

One night Mom and Dad went out on the town.  They like drinking this funny stuff that makes them laugh a lot and makes their breath smells funny. Not sure why they like it, I prefer mom’s milk.  But Gramma and I hung out and partied.  It was awesome. I think we probably had much more fun than Mom and Dad.  Here was the text we sent to them:

Here they are on their date:  

"Painting the town red."

They weren't gone very long, they only had 2 of those drinks I mentioned earlier and here is a picture of them when they got home!  Its like they’re overtired for some reason! Jeez.

Another thing we did was play with some of my toys.  Mom has been setting me up with some toys already, but Gramma and I worked on grasping things with my hands. I just stare at my hands sometimes and think what a resource these things could be if I could just figure out how to control them. What power I could wield!  Gramma would hold up this little bear rattle for me, and while I love that little bear, the bastard (another cool word Mom taught me) would taunt me knowing he was just out of my reach.  But he’ll be sorry one day, because Gramma - and mom now too - have been helping me try to figure out how to get him.  Every day I get a little closer.  She’ll pull him out and at first I just stare into his eyes.  I’ll say “Ahhh… so we meet again, my fickle friend.” And I just get so close, sometimes I will actually wrap my little fingers around him but I can’t hold on for long.  Sometimes I get frustrated and let out a little squeal.  But I compose myself, punch him in his stupid little head (I’m REALLY good at making a fist so far) and try again. Sometimes I just wrap my arms around him and hug him instead since that’s all I can manage.  I am still trying to decide if I love or hate him. I’ll keep you posted.

This is a picture of me with another one of my toys that makes me a lil happier.

My worthy adversary is in the foreground.  

Other than that, we spent some time enjoying the nice weather. Apparently, up where Gramma lives there is lots of frozen white stuff covering the ground and it is MUCH colder.  We went to the Marlay House one afternoon and also went on some walks.  One day while Dad was at work, Gramma thought she could control the furry babies that live in our house while we went out for a walk.  (We have wild animals living in our house, did you know that?  Its like we live in a zoo!)  But the furry babies are much naughtier than I am, and run around like crazy.  I think they were trying to tie Gramma up with the long cords Mom ties to their necks.  We all laughed a lot about that. 

As usual, Mom bundled me up like we were up where Gramma lives!

Dad is the best at wrangling the furry babies.

The whole fam at the Marlay House, our favorite pub.

Sadly, after a glorious 6 days we had to say good-bye to Gramma so she could take the train home again.  I was so sad, but she made it very clear how much she loves me so I know she’ll be back to see me soon.  I think my mom was even more sad than me though.  She cried like I do when I am super hungry!  I thought only babies did that.  Weird.  But I know after this week that Mom, Gramma, and I are thick as thieves and we are going to have so much fun together over the years.  I can’t wait to see what kind of trouble we all get into together in April when we go up to her home to visit!

Do you know what “emesis” means?

My title is a take on my favorite line from one of my favorite movies, Snatch.  The line actually goes “Do you know what nemesis means?”  Instead here I’m talking about MY nemesis : emesis.  Spit-up, sick, vomit, barf, throw-up, the expulsion of the contents of ones guts through the mouth and/or nose - PUKE!

"I am awesome at puking!!!"

Bricktop explains in the movie, nemesis is defined as “A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent, personified in this case by a horrible [expletive deleted] : me.”  

Or... personified in MY life as Tess’ inability to keep her esophageal sphincter functioning as a one-way street.

Babies spit-up, we all know that.  Its part of life.  But Tess spits-up a LOT.  Like, constantly. Not just after eating. We’re talking after she eats, right before she’s supposed to eat again, while eating, while sleeping, while pooping – constantly!  And excessively. Its voluminous.  On her worst days she goes through 15 bibs, 5 outfits, 3 boppy covers, 2 sets of sheets and a partridge in a pear tree. That’s not to mention the clothing I go through from being puked on.  I wish it were summer so I could just keep her in a diaper all day and skip clothes all together.  People said my life was going to be made difficult from all the extra laundry from using cloth diapers, but trust: the laundry from cloth diapers ain’t nuthin’ compared to the laundry I do from puke. 

How I would prefer to dress Tess.
She's pointing and looking at me like she's thinking 

"Mom, take that picture of me without a shirt on and you will regret it!"

The excessive puking didn’t start immediately.  I was lulled into a false sense of security when we first got home with Tess where I could feed her, burp her briefly then put her down to sleep.  Then at about 3 weeks old she changed her tune.  You can read “Aunt Wendy Visits” to get a glimpse into how it started.  Fortunately, my sister was here then to introduce me to the concept of bibs.  I surely would have lost my mind by now if it weren’t for bibs. 

This is my personal favorite bib of Tess'

"My mom is hot."

The puking ramped up quickly over a few days and then was accompanied by excessive crying – screaming, really – about an hour after she would eat.  It was horrible.  I did some research and learned about how some babies have a sensitivity to cow’s milk proteins in mama’s diet that get into breast milk.  I also noticed the worst day we had with the spit up and crying was after I had a pasta with a creamy sauce for dinner, cereal with milk for breakfast the next morning, and a cheese sandwich with a yogurt for lunch.  It didn’t take me long to put 2 and 2 together and think about the possibility that Tess might have this sensitivity I was reading about. 

This is probably my sister's favorite bib. 

"My auntie rocks."

Now, I'm guessing somewhere around half of my calories probably come from dairy.  I drink a LOT of milk, cheese, yogurt, ice cream, butter… the list goes on.  You know, all the stuff that makes food taste good!!! I looooove dairy.  But I love a happy baby more, so while I was loath to do it, I immediately cut dairy out of my life.  I also lost 7 pounds in the process, despite eating like a pig!  (Making breast milk makes me HONGRAY!!!)

And this is probably my mom's favorite: 

"Grandma is simply the best."

Unfortunately, those cow proteins are sticky and take a while to clear out of your system.  You have to give up dairy for at least 2 weeks before your breast milk is completely free of all the cow’s milk proteins. I did feel like the post-prandial screaming was starting to dissipate after about 4 or 5 dairy-free days, though.  I had to bring Tess for a weight check at that point, so I asked the pediatrician about it.  She told me to keep going with the dairy-free diet, but also told me about these Bio-Gaia pro-biotic drops.  Apparently some babies don’t have enough of the bacteria lactobacillus and can have troubles digesting food properly without it. The doc said it couldn’t hurt Tess to use the drops and it was worth a shot.  Done! I was convinced.  I went straight to Walgreens to get a vial – they are damn expensive though.  $30 for not quite a month’s worth.  But between the drops and/or my diet change, Tess’ symptoms improved.  She stopped the crazy fussiness almost completely. 

Red Sox bib.  Nice.

Although... since it is something that gets puked on, maybe we should get a Yankees bib???

But… she is still a puker!  OMG! Don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather deal with puke than tears since she doesn’t appear to be suffering or unhappy!  But it is still excessive. It also waxes and wanes.  I notice that the first feeding I do in the morning is the least “pukey,” then mid-morning is the most “pukey” usually.  Some days are better than others.  And being a scientist I over analyze everything to try to find a cause – trying to gather evidence so I can come to a conclusion.  But maybe this isn’t a “cause-and-effect” type of thing, but just a “babies-are-finicky-and-unpredictable” kind of thing?

Our burping routine, we spend much time in this position every day...

Whatever it is, yesterday was suddenly one of the worst days! It was like the days before giving up dairy and introducing the drops.  Here is a picture of the laundry basket filled with items soaked in puke accumulated between 4am and 8am:

That basket comes mid-way up my thigh!  

She was not only spitting up far more than usual that morning, but was super fussy too.  Tess has been sleeping from 7pm until anywhere between 4 and 6am.  That night, however, she started waking up at 1am and was pissed off all through the night... and into the whole next day.

Pink leopard print bib.  Very sexy.

I did eat pancakes made with milk and also had a dessert that had a little milk in it the previous day.  I read that baked goods that contain dairy products should be fine, but apparently not?  For the last 5 weeks I’ve been 100% dairy free, but then had 2 food items that had a minimal amount of milk in them and then Tess was super pukey and fussy.  It would make sense that that was what caused her fussiness/pukiness.  But seriously, 1 cup of milk divided between 3 of us in pancakes???  Then there was a ½ cup of milk in the dessert I made, which I had about 1/10^th of!  Could that have really been the problem?  Who knows, but I’m going to avoid ANYTHING even with the tiniest bit of milk just in case. 

Heart-shaped bib.

Or maybe its dairy AND something else in my diet?  It does appear that it might be related to what I’m eating since, like I said, it waxes and wanes.  But I haven’t been able to identify anything else.  

At our 2 month check up I asked about it again, and basically if a baby is gaining weight, they don’t care about spitting up.  Tess was born at 9 pounds, went down to 8 pounds in the first few days after her birth and was 11 pounds at her 2 month check up.  As her physician put it – her weight gain is extraordinary.  Its possible I’m over-feeding her since she spits up so much, and is gaining so much weight… but when I try to feed her less she gets pissed off.  And still pukes. 

In prime position to soak my shirt.

The upshot of all of this is, the doctors aren’t concerned and basically just told me to buy some bibs and deal with it.  And it should stop when we introduce solid foods.  My mom - who is here visiting right now- thinks this is just Tess’ way of telling us she wants a steak for dinner. Mom also said my brother Ron was a puker when he was a baby.  If this means Tess will end up being like her Uncle Ron, who was the coolest guy I've ever known, it'll be worth it.

"Ron's world!"

Anyone who knew Ron knows what this means...

In the mean time, good thing she looks so cute in a bib!!!

And wearing a bib doesn't appear to impede her ability to play, either:

“Meag” or “Mom?”

 When a woman finds out she’s pregnant, there is no limit to the number of different feelings that she can experience.  They run the gamut from excitement to panic. I hate to admit this but when I first found out I was pregnant, one of my first emotions was actually sadness.  I was sad because honestly, I didn’t really want my life to change.  Andy and I had a great life! Andy and I had met in 2003, moved in together in 2004 and got married in 2007.  By 2012, we had “us” figured out.  And it was awesome.

Me and Andy in Salzburg Dec 2011

"Pre-Tess"

The realization that we were going to have a baby meant everything was going to change.  Of course we would continue to love each other, but now we were not only going to be “Meag and Andy” but “Mom and Dad.” Our social lives and bank accounts would be vastly different. I had only finished my PhD the year before, was (and am still) mostly clueless about what I wanted to do with my degree and hadn’t even had a chance to start building a career for myself yet.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to say goodbye to our lives as we knew them.  

Eventually, my excitement about being pregnant really made a lot of those thoughts get pushed to the back of my mind, and then actually having Tess here has been so fun and incredible I couldn’t be happier.  As much as I was scared to lose my old life, I couldn’t be more excited about my new life.  Looking at Tess’ sweet face as she nurses, hearing her little “coo” sounds, seeing her smile, watching her little hands learn to make a fist and grip your finger, watching her learn and develop at this insanely rapid pace… I never realized how amazing those things would be.  I never thought I could love being a mom SO much.

Me and my girl.

I love being a mom, but I have also loved being Meag for 30 years.  I want to maintain my identity and simply add this new role to who I have always been.  I do not want Andy and I to forget our old selves or our old life. It’s difficult, especially in these early days.  When we first brought Tess home we brought her out with us a bit, to grab a beer or to meet a group of friends, and that felt great.  OK our pub visits involved having 1 beer - maybe 2 – rather than the marathon all night sessions we used to have, but we were maintaining a social life despite having a newborn! 

Our girl was quite the bar fly in her early days!

Then Brian Williams and George Stephanopolous started making me feel like it was 1918 with their talk of the flu epidemic all over the news, and I panicked. We went on lockdown and stopped taking Tess out. When we had to take her to the pediatrician for a weight check, I refused to even sit in the “well patient” waiting room. I insisted Andy wait inside while I sat in the car with her until we were called. We were also invited to a neighbor’s house for brunch with some other friends – since there were going to be a couple of other kiddos there we had to turn down the invite.  It sucked! I know, I’m totally crazy and paranoid.  But I just can’t take the chance of her getting the flu at this age! We like to go out for walks, weather permitting, but otherwise we are being hermits until March.

Tess looooves being in the Baby Bjorn for a walk.

This is SUPER hard for us since we are both very social people.  I went to a baby shower a couple weeks back that was the most exciting thing to happen to my social calendar this season! There was a time not so long ago when a baby shower would have not have been my cup of tea, but now I love babies and baby stuff and talking babies so damn much, it was awesome. But since we can’t go out with Tess, and we don’t have babysitters to help us out with date nights, we were struggling to find a way to keep any semblance of our old life going at all. 

The thing we have started trying to do then is cook dinner for ourselves every night. Andy and I LOVE to cook and have always enjoyed putting together elaborate meals.  For my birthday 2 years ago, for example, we cooked a 10 course meal for 14 of our closest friends.  It was insane and awesome.  Cooking and enjoying good food has always been an important part of our marriage.  In fact, before meeting Andy I could barely boil an egg.  He taught me how to cook, and now its probably my favorite thing to do.

Table settings for 16.

One of the courses. Lobster ravioli.

 

Palate cleanser - lemon sorbet. 

We even made that ourselves from fresh squeezed lemon.

Our peeps enjoying their meal.

And, yes, Andy is wearing tails. We fancy!

At first it was impossible for me to try to figure out how to take care of Tess and make dinner, but we were lucky enough to have some incredible friends who brought us dinner every night right after Tess was born. That was amazing!  Since then, we have had to figure out how to do that for ourselves again.  I am following the recommendations of this book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby” where they recommend at least one nap in the morning, one in the afternoon and an early bedtime.  When Tess is taking her naps, I go in the kitchen and whip something up for dinner.  The key to making this work is doing a slow cook meal.  Having a meal I can start when I have a free moment and let cook until 6 or 7 or whenever we want to eat is crucial.  The crockpot is getting used a lot, curries are also on the menu at least once a week.  Anything I can leave in the oven, on the stove or best of all – in the crockpot.

One night's dinner. 

Soup - mushrooms, kale, orange bell peppers, chicken.

It might seem silly that something as simple as sitting down to a home cooked meal is so important to us, but it really is.  We knew we needed to figure something out after a couple nights of Andy leaving work at 7 or later and stopping to pick up Chinese and another night even… WENDY’S! ACK! I hate to even admit it… But I would go crazy and never drop the last of my pregnancy weight if we continued to do that shit.  So I started thinking ahead, and that has made all the difference in putting together nightly meals.

"Enough with the photos, mom!"

Of course, cooking some of the meals I used to spend hours preparing while we chatted and drank wine is largely a thing of the past, at least for now.  Although, Saturday I did make pasta from scratch since Andy was here - NOT writing a grant - and was hanging with Tess.  During the week I have maybe an hour to put something together while Tess is having a nap.  But it is still possible to have a delicious healthy home cooked meal even with an 8 week old!  It just requires a bit more planning, and it doesn’t have to take much time at all. 

Pasta!

Peacefully napping in her swing while I cook.

We now put Tess to sleep at 7pm and eat with our video monitor going so we can keep an eye on her.  If we want to eat earlier, we’ll just stick her in the baby swing while we eat.  We are enjoying it so much - it is so important for our state of mind and our marriage.  Maybe cooking isn’t your thing, but whatever is… I think its important to try to keep doing it whenever you can once you have a baby so you can remember who you were pre-parent!  It is for me at least.

Tess playing with her toys.